Letters To Rose
by whovianabelle
Summary: When Rose was taken from him, the Doctor wrote letters to her, knowing they would never reach her. Set after Doomsday.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: Super angsty and sad. You have been warned.**

Rose,

I

I lo

I can't

Can you imagine _me_, who never stops talking, unable to write something down? That's what you did to me, Rose. You fixed me and then broke me beyond any hope of healing. Why is it so hard, why is it SO DAMN HARD to write it down? I burn everytime I think of Bad Wolf Bay, of the words I will never

I hate everything. You wouldn't think it possible but it's true. I hate mannequins and gas masks and apple grass and drawing pencils and black holes. I HATE EVERYTH

No, that's not true. I don't hate everything. That would entail hating you, and I honestly just don't think that could ever happen.

Oh Rose, my fantastic human. You taught me so much, but in the end, the hardest lesson to learn was this: When hearts break, they don't just rip in half. Nothing so clean as that.

They shatter.


	2. Chapter 2

**For all of you wondering, the Doctor will be meeting Donna soon. I just wanted to give the Doctor some angst time before he got better.**

Rose,

Sorry that last letter was so angry. Although, why should I be sorry? This letter will never reach you. You will always be stranded in that universe, knowing nothing of my feelings. Never knowing where I am or what's going on. Works the same way for me, Rose. I worry about you every day. Little things, sometimes. Is she eating enough? Is she getting a job? Or big things. Is she safe? Could she have been hit by a car like her dad? Could someone have hurt her? That last one makes me want to rip the universe apart to make sure you are safe, Rose.

I'm missing you all the time, Rose. The way you'd grin at me, the way you held my hand, the way you knew me. Like no one else ever has.

It's almost difficult to breathe without you. Oh, I want so badly to find another crack, _anything_. Anything if it would let me see my Rose again. Or hear you. Did I ever tell you Rose, how your laugh fills the TARDIS? How beautiful it is? One more thing I will never get to tell you, I suppose.

It kills me. It really, really does.


	3. Chapter 3

**I just want to say, if you are in the mood to get really sad, play Rose's theme from Youtube or iTunes. I listened to it while writing these, just sayin'.**

Rose,

you know that old story, about how Zeus was afraid of the humans, and split them apart and created soul mates? Well, it's not true. Obviously. But I think that maybe while there is no _perfect_ person out there for everyone else, there is a _best _person. And that was you. A 900 year old alien and his best person was a 19 year old shop girl from London. Funny how those things work out sometimes.

But that's you, Rose, so unlikely and hidden and then you just shine. Brighter than any star I have ever seen, brighter than the Time Vortex itself.

Brighter than me, Rose. Brighter than anything that ever has or ever will exist.

You blaze on in my heart. I wish I could say that there were times I forget and almost say something to you, because then I would at least have that comfort of ignorant bliss, if it last only for a second. But no, that never happens. How could it? Your absence weighs on my heart like

Like nothing. Because nothing compares to you.


	4. Chapter 4

Rose,

I met a woman called Donna today. Don't worry, she's human. She was about to get married and she just popped up in the TARDIS. I was shocked, you would have laughed at the whole situation. I miss your laugh.

Turned out, the bridegroom-to-be was in league with a giant spider, the Empress of the Racnoss to be exact. I had to drown them with the Thames. Things is, I nearly drowned too. I just stood there watching. You know what I was thinking of? You. Of course I'm always thinking of you, Rose, but then I was thinking about how futile it all was. Watching the Empress scream as she and her children drowned, I wanted to drown too. To fill my lungs with water until my hearts stopped beating. All because my existence is so pointless without you, Rose.

So pathetically pointless.

Donna rescued me, she brought me back from the edge. She even invited me to Christmas dinner. I didn't accept the invitation. You know I don't do domestic. You would've liked her. She asked about you.

And you know what, Rose? That was when I realized that I've been wrong about it the entire time. When I was broken before, you didn't just put me back together again. You wove all these different parts of me into a whole. A wonderful, shining, being.

But threads snap and fabrics tear.

And they just don't weave together again.

I will always be like this, Rose. Unweavable. And I would never trade a second of being with you for wholeness, because my life without you is just that more ordinary, plain, and incomplete. You complete me, Rose. Rose Tyler. The face I see every day as I wake up. The face I see every night I go to sleep. The woman I

I love.

I love you, Rose Tyler. In all these universes with their galaxies of small worlds and big people and planets and stars and suns, if there is one thing you can count on, just one thing... It is that I love you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Many many thanks to all who posted reviews, thank you for your support! You guys really are awesome! Anyhow read on, I apologize for the shortness. The next one should be longer. **

Rose,

There's someone new in the TARDIS. Her name is Martha. She's a med student- brilliant, very sharp. She helped to save a hospital from a plasmavore, and everyone else in it from suffocation. She's

Oh, Rose. She's not you.

I am constantly comparing her to you. I know it's wrong but I don't even want to try to stop. And how could she win?

There will always be you. Always a shining image of blonde girl in a blue jacket, the most beautiful creature in all the universes.

The TARDIS misses you, you know. She kept your room, which has never happened before. When a person leaves the TARDIS almost all trace of them is removed except for records and such. I think out of all my companions, she liked you best. Perhaps even loved you. She did let you see into her heart.

It is so hard to describe the frustration of knowing you are gone forever. There is an endless anger in me that I, Lord of Time, cannot reach to the woman I love. There will _always_ be this wall between us. Did you know, after the rift closed, I put my ear against the wall and listened?

I'm not exactly sure what I was listening for. Something of you, that's for sure.

Something of my beloved Rose. My best person. My fantastic human. My love.


	6. Chapter 6

**This particular story is going to come to an end soon, I didn't really want to continue it throughout the entire season 3. However I am debating making a sequel to this called Letters To The Doctor, from Rose's POV. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks!**

Rose,

I took Martha on another trip today. I figured she deserved it after saving the hospital from the plasm

I am so selfish. I really am. You never really got to see that side of me, but it's has come out more since Canary Wharf. Of course she _wanted _to go, but that doesn't change the fact that I took her because I need her. I need someone, Rose, to keep me from going over the edge, to save me from myself. I thank God or whatever cruel deity that watches over us that you never had to see me like that. So that's really why I took Martha along, not to have adventures, but to help me. That used to be y

Does it really need to be said?

We visited Shakespeare. And of course, since I can never go _anywhere_ without a problem popping up, we also encountered Carrionites. They were strong, too. And they might have beaten me if they hadn't said your name.

They were trying to hurt me, but Rose, your name doesn't just hurt me anymore. It helps me, too. And while I will never be able to hear your name without reliving Bad Wolf Bay, it also reminds me that there is hope. Just enough hope to keep on fighting, because however impossible the odds are that I will see you again, there is still a chance. And so I fight on, hoping against the impossible.

Because I need you, Rose. I need you so badly it takes all of my will power not to rip the walls of time apart. The worst part, though, is I don't even know if I could. Do I have the strength for that? Probably not. I think you took that with you.

I've decided to give Martha another trip, because I am incredibly selfish. I'm sure she'll be excited, though. Maybe. I just don't know anymore.

I am so tired without you, Rose.


	7. Chapter 7

Rose,

In my last letter, I told you I was going to take Martha on another trip in the TARDIS. This time, I took her to New Earth. Well, New New York, to be specific. Well, New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York. Pretty hard to say.

Anyway, I took her there. Remember, that place, Rose? The hospital, those horrid nurses, the enigmatic Face of Boe, and that repulsive Cassandra. You know, I knew that it would hurt, going there. And it did. Even though Martha and I weren't even aboveground most of the time we spent there. Every second was filled with a dull ache in my chest.

Times two.

So, anyway, it turns out that the entire planet had been wiped out by a virus. The only people living were the people in the Motorway underground, and some people in the slums, as well as the Face of Boe and Novice Hame. Apparently the Face had been giving his life force to keep the Motorway going. I wish I knew more about him. I've never been able to find any trace of his species. They must be incredibly old, much older than the Time Lords. And that's saying something.

He died. The Face of Boe, that is. After giving so much of himself, it took the last bit of life force he had to open the Motorway, to show the people who had lived underground for most of their lives the sky. The beautiful blue sky. Almost as beautiful as you.

And, he told me his last secret, just as foretold. He told me I was not alone. I don't really know what that means. I could think of a hundred different ways to interpret it off the top of my head. I wish that meant there was another Gallifreyan out there, but

They

They burned.

I am alone. I am so alone. No, not physically thanks to Martha. I have been alone ever since the Time War. Even when I was happy, there was always this little throbbing ache in the back of my head that never went awa

Except

Except with you. You helped. It's not like you replaced them, nothing could ever do that, but it's like you... Filled that hole. You gave me peace.

I love you, Rose.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello again! First of all, I know it's been a while. Sorry! Classes have been hard to settle into, but hopefully there won't be a gap this big again. Also, for those of you who noticed I skipped Daleks In Manhattan, yes that was on purpose. I just really don't like those episodes. Sorry. Anyway, read on, and please review!**

Rose,

I know it's been a while since I last wrote you. Sorry. There have been... Complications.

Recently, Martha and I went to a party thrown by Professor Lazarus. It was quite a festive occasion. I had to wear a tux. I was quite handsome, and I'm sure you would've agreed had you been there.

Anyways, the purpose of the party was to introduce a machine that could make you live forever, rejuvenating the human body year after year. Gallifrey, but the human race frustrates me so much sometimes! Why can't they see that such a long life can only be a curse? Watching the people you love wither away right before you- it's enough to make anyone go mad. I should know.

The length of your life doesn't matter, it's how you _fill_ it that can turn an ordinary existence into something so, so special. So blazingly bright. Like you. My shining Rose.

Professor Lazarus experimented on himself, and he turned into a monster. And maybe that's what he was inside. He knew he was killing people, and yet he kept on putting himself first, fueled by his fear of death. Death is by far not the worst thing there is out there. I'd rather die thousands of times than lose you again. And I'd die a million times to see you again. Some things are worth all of the toil and pain in the universe.

I love you so much, Rose. Your name is written across my hearts and will be for eternity, should I live, die, regenerate...

You know, the first thing I thought when I regenerated into this body was, Do I still love Rose? And of course, the answer was yes. And I was so happy for that moment, because it didn't matter what I looked like, I still loved you. Always will. _Always._ Never forget that. Please. It would rip my hearts apart all over again if you ever forgot that.


	9. Chapter 9

**And at last, we come to an end. I had a lot of fun writing these (well, as fun as writing super angsty and sad stuff can be) and there is much sadness on my part to have to finish these. Never fear, though, Letters To The Doctor (Rose's POV) will soon be coming to Fanfiction. Anyways, thanks to all the people who read these and the ones who reviewed! Now, allonsy!**

Rose,

Who knew that that knowing the amount of number ones that Elvis had could be so important? To most people, this could only win you a trivia contest, but today it saved my life. Who knew?

Today Martha and I were trapped on a spacecraft heading right into the heart of a sun, and we had only 42 minutes until we burned. I had to wear that awful orange space suit again. Remember the last time I wore it, Rose? That terrible beast from the pit who knew what was going to happen to you. The valiant child who will soon die in battle, it said. And it was right. Of course, it wasn't exact. You didn't actually die, for starters. And you are no child.

I came so close to telling you I loved you then. Right before I cut the cable and fell into the pit, I said "And tell Rose- Oh, she knows." That was so stupid of me. So incredibly idiotic and cowardly not to just _say it_ already. I could've prevented so much pain with just three words right then. Just three. 904 years of time and space, and yet I was still afraid to tell a woman I loved her.

I hope that right now, wherever you are, you know. Do you?

And yet again, I come to the unbreakable wall between us. I will never get an answer to that question. Never. What a terrible word.

And maybe that's why

I have

I have to give you up, Rose. No, it doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. If you ever read these, you'll know just how impossible that is. It means I've got to stop writing these letters. Because as long as I keep writing, I will never truly accept that you are gone. And that will drive me mad. And if I lose control of myself for just one second... I will rip the universes apart looking for you.

Billions will die, and it'll be my fault because I couldn't handle being Roseless. I may not have been brave enough to tell you before, but I have to have enough courage to give you up now.

Oh Rose... You will forever be my fantastic, brilliant, shining, blazing, beautiful Rose.

Love,

Doctor


End file.
